HOW LONG DOES A BLACK VELATO TIGHTS LAST? (AND OTHER ANECDOTES ON SOCKS)
It's almost spring, bye bye opaque stocking, the most daring have already removed any tinsel covering their legs and the fashion followers wear the black sheer pantyhose that is returning to the fore.
When I touch the topic of socks and tights I always shatter you with the period of my previous life entitled "I had a sock shop for five years".
Five years in which - anyone who works in a public exercise will know well - my psychological certainties have precipitated from oh, how beautiful others and life I never want to interact with a human being again, ok?!.
The best anecdotes of the "sock shop" period
How long does a black sheer pantyhose last? it was one of the cross-cutting questions I answered most often with due patience but it was nothing compared to:
lady in old age who was ashamed to buy thigh-highs because she considered them sinful stockings, to the point of making the confession that would have put them to a death urgent because they were the easiest to wear to a rigid corpse. (With attached details that only the old women in dialect know how to flaunt undaunted despite the rising of the queue of other waiting customers but, moreover, before death nothing is more important ...);
- Young lover of the husband of a client of mine with offspring who told me the details of their secret meetings in the woods of the neighboring country, always interested in the new spring collection and in the openwork socks with the matching question "but do you think these are vulgar?". When I hesitated to answer for more than three seconds his would have been a certain "then I take them";
- roaring businessman who asked me five pairs of anthrax-colored men's socks;
- exhausted grandmother who always came to buy packs of anti-skid socks;
- porn star who before going to the gym (because you know, our job forces us to keep fit ... Ok, ok!) came to stock up on terry socks together with ruby red wide net socks;
- husband with wife and lover mentioned above who on Valentine's Day came to buy double and identical gifts;
- old (yes, derogatory) who had stalked me on the way home-shop to make me the hold-ups that weren't on her own: "ma'am, did you hydrate as well as I recommended, so that the silicone of the socks will friction on the leg? By any chance do you have very dry skin? "," Absolutely not "the old woman replied, as I opened the used hold-ups that rained infinite snow on old woman's skin.
I could go on and on but it seems right and professional to answer the question of life.
But how long the hell does' I'm black sheer pantyhose ?!
The truth is, it doesn't last a bat.
And the more veiled it is, and therefore the more beautiful it is (such as the 8 or 15 denarii), the more certain it is that it will not last and will be ruined almost immediately.
Responsible for disposable rituals are: chapped hands, neglected manicure, dry heels, shoes, hinges, chipped wooden chairs, rings with stones, pets, forest animals, chemtrails.
Useful tips to extend the life of the socks of a few denarii
That is, small tricks to make them last those fifteen minutes longer: well-groomed feet, no skin on flaking hands or nails, well-hydrated hands (put on the cream before putting on the tights), do not pull like damned ones.
Theories from crop circle enthusiasts: put the tights in the freezer overnight to harden the fibers. Also no.
Theories from fans of Sgiàn Luì Davì: spray all the legs with lacquer after wearing the tights. Also no.
The most accurate customers confided to me to wear socks with a pair of gloves. The cautions are welcome, then the neighbor's enthusiastic poodle comes to greet you and it's all over.
Keep a spare pair of tights in your bag: yes too.
