4 years without bra - my experience
FYI, this article is not an anti-bra manifesto, nor a review of people who wear bras, or those who like it, nor a review of the problems related to wearing a bra, nor a list of the benefits of living without a bra. It is simply a personal testimony on my experience, my feelings and my choices, to which I added the criticisms and prejudices about the no bra that I have read elsewhere as well as those including some · e · s readers told me. So thank you for not distorting my words!
Until about 4 years ago, I always put on a bra before I left my house. I understood, when I was quite young, that I lived in a society where as soon as two hills began to take shape on our chest, it was better to wear a bra. However, I was unaware of the interest of the latter and I put on it as mechanically as I put on my shoes before setting foot outside. It was a reflex, an unconscious adherence to a socio-cultural dress code on which I had never wondered. However, I had always felt real relief taking it off when I got home and I didn't put it on the days when I didn't plan on going out. Again, it was a simple reflex, an answer to a discomfort both physical, even moral, underlying: I do not even remember telling myself that the bras were uncomfortable, compressive or still oppressive, as I had internalized the fact that from the moment we had breasts, it was necessary to wear them. So I could not consciously recognize that I was following a social injunction that went against my personal preferences.
My relationship to lingerie
The only thing that had consciously bothered me so far was the importance given to wearing "pretty" underwear in our society; it always seemed absurd to me to spend several tens of euros for such a small piece of textile that spent most of the day hidden under another garment (I understand, however, that some people may experience real pleasure in investing in very nice lingerie and to wear; so please note that these are personal preferences and not a taste criticism!).
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| 4 years without bra - my experience |
In addition, I did not like the importance given - in advertisements and specialized shops in particular - to lingerie in general and to certain types of models in particular to feel and appear supposedly attractive or even sexy. The sexualization of the breast in our society and the way in which the lingerie industry reinforces the objectification of our breasts started to annoy me quite early and undoubtedly contributed to my total disinterest in the aesthetics of underwear .
For me, these were above all practical objects, designed to “protect” my 80 C and hide my private parts. I have always chosen them according to the same rather sober criteria: black (even white), plain, smooth, discreet, without pearls or lace, comfortable and as inexpensive as possible. It still happened to me to succumb to the pressure of advertisements, to feel guilty for not making the effort to wear “pretty” underwear for my companion and to end up investing in one or two sets of materials and with the most sought after, precious and rewarding details. So I ended up wearing underwear that didn't look like me, in which I felt absolutely uncomfortable and for which I always regretted having spent all those euros.
The day I stopped wearing a bra
So, in general, I always had a fairly detached relationship with underwear but I had never asked myself the question of their usefulness, until the summer of 2014. At that time, J and I had just left Vancouver Island to move to Freiburg and I found myself propelled to a new country whose language I did not speak, unemployed, hobbies and close friends almost overnight . As a result, while J. was at work, I spent most of my days at home, so I hardly ever wore a bra.
After a few weeks, realizing that I only wear it very rarely, I wondered for the first time what was the real interest of this object. After some research, I realized that no data existed on the need to wear one from a physiological point of view (on the contrary, it seems that wearing a bra could do us more harm. that good but I did not dig the subject because personally, from the moment when the non-wearing of the bra does not cause any harm to my health, the rest does not matter to me!). This is how I, little by little, abandoned my bras and decided to go out without as often as possible.
The day I bought a bra
At first, I was embarrassed that you could see the shape of my nipples through certain clothes, which was the case with most of my summer tops and dresses. I then remembered that several years ago, I had bought adhesive silicone nipple covers that I wore under the tops / dresses that I had deemed incompatible with the wearing of a bra (backless, tops without suspenders, etc.). This idea of not letting the shape of the nipples appear had been well established in me for a long time, but when I took out these stickers, it completely disgusted me. It must be said that my relationship with my body had changed a lot since then and I therefore found the idea of putting stickers on my nipples as ridiculous as aggressive. Again, this is a personal feeling; I fully understand that others can use this kind of object without difficulty. We all have a very different relationship to our body.
Having become completely unaccustomed to wearing a bra, I now recognized that I found it quite uncomfortable and therefore no longer wished to wear it, even occasionally. However, there was still my embarrassment with the visibility of the shape of my nipples - since it is ultimately this and that only that it is about, and not the fact that we see my nipples. Guessing the shape of a body part is not the same as seeing it. So not wishing to wear nipples or bras I decided to buy a very simple bra that does not compress or enhance the breasts and I have worn for a while under the clothes revealing the shape of my nipples .
The day I made peace with my nipples
And then talking to J., I realized that the shape of my nipples was no more taboo than the shape of my knees and that I didn't really have any reason to want to hide them. If the visibility of the shape of the nipples was socially as problematic as that, why did we not care about those of the opposite sex, visible under their T-shirts and exposed freely in many contexts? Why didn't we try to hide them when they were pointing under our swimsuit? Why walk around with your breasts completely bare or half exposed on the beach / at the pool without being blamed? Whether on male or female, under a T-shirt or swimsuit, here or elsewhere, nipples are nipples! I know very well that the context plays a huge role in the acceptance of the (in) visibility of certain parts of the body, but to be completely honest with myself I had to admit that, objectively speaking , there was no reason to justify the taboo reigning around this protruding part of just a few millimeters and whatever the situation (at least those that I face daily or occasionally).
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| 4 years without bra - my experience |
In the end, this conversation with J. completely changed my relationship to the visibility of the shape of my nipples and this allowed me to free myself from this social taboo. Now I don’t care if I can see the shape of my nipples through my clothes and I don’t wear a bra anymore just to hide them. The rare times that I still put on my bra are those when I wear a white or transparent top because I do not want people to be able to literally see my chest.
My breasts and their movements
Another aspect that for a while prevented me from completely going without my bra was the fact that you can sometimes see my breasts move when I was in motion. In the end, this discomfort also ended up leaving me - I just had to get used to these new sensations myself and not notice them anymore to stop worrying about other people's looks.
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| 4 years without bra - my experience |
Also, when I stopped wearing a bra, I was going to run regularly, so I tried to do it without a sports bra. However, I found it quite uncomfortable, even a little painful, and I therefore decided to wear it for this kind of activity. I haven't been running for 2-3 years but if I had to do it again, I would try again without a bra because I have since read several testimonials from sportswomen saying they gradually got used to doing sports without - apparently, at over time, the body can adapt and any pain may go away. This is probably not the case for everyone or for all sports, but given that I had given up the no bra during running after only one try, I tell myself that it can be worth - be worth trying again. That said, my goal is not to wear any support for my chest at all costs - comfort being my priority - I would not hesitate to put on a bra if necessary (whether for sports or for any other circumstance).
Teach without bra
For a long time, it also seemed important to me to pay attention to my "image" at work - I am a teacher in a high school. At the same time, I felt a little ridiculous about dressing differently for work, especially in a context where we advocate wealth and the acceptance of difference, whatever it is. I also felt completely hypocritical to teach social and cultural anthropology to my students - a subject in which we are constantly confronted with other ways of doing, living, thinking - and at the same time looking to conform to socio-cultural norms that go against my well-being and my personal beliefs. And then one day, the students decided to celebrate the no bra day, which ended up convincing me to do without a bra on the job as well.
What does my husband say?
J. took several weeks to realize that I was no longer wearing a bra. When he said to me, “Ah well, aren't you wearing a bra today?”, I replied (very seriously) that I was celebrating the world day without a bra… He found that rather cool and I went on to tell him that in fact it had already been several weeks since I celebrated this day! It made him smile and since then, these are the rare times when I wear a bra that he seems surprised! For the rest, he and I agree on one thing: each of us is free to dress as we like, whether we like it or not. In any case, as you will have understood from the conversation we had about the visibility of the nipples, J. has a very pragmatic opinion on the subject. If it is useless and does no harm to anyone, nothing and no one should force me to wear a bra.
Aesthetically and physically speaking
What about aesthetics? I must admit that the first few times I looked at myself in the mirror without a bra, I thought it was odd, not to say… ugly. I felt like I was misshapen with my chest flatter and lower than when it was raised and inflated by a bra. Once again, I had internalized our socio-cultural conception of a "beautiful breast" so much that the natural fall of my breasts had never seemed to me to be intrinsically beautiful. As with the rest, time did its job, I learned how to tame my chest naturally (as I had done a few years ago with my face cleansed and, to some extent, my hair) and I ended up loving him - actually - as well.
And physically, how are my breasts doing after all these years without a bra? Well they are doing very well ... on their own. They are not lower, more flaccid, softer than before. Some followers of the no bra testify to the fact that their breasts have firmed up, have grown in size and even come back a few millimeters; this may also be my case, but I know absolutely nothing since I never really paid attention to the firmness or the natural height of my breasts. As for their size, it has not changed: I tried one of my old bras to check! In any case, they have lost nothing. On the other hand, I gained freedom and coherence with myself. And this is most important to me ...
What about the eyes of others?
How to face the gaze of others? This is a question that comes up often… A look that I have only felt in 4 years once (and again, I am not sure that the person was really looking at my chest while saying "oh la la, she is not wearing no bra! ”). This is not to say that people do not notice that I am walking without a bra; This must undoubtedly happen, but personally, I do not perceive these looks.
It must be said that people look at themselves in the street all the time and for 1001 reasons! My skin color, my face, my hair, my figure, my clothing style, etc. are all reasons why people probably look at me… I don't know what is going through their minds. , but whether their thoughts are negative or not, I don't care what they think. As soon as I am comfortable with my reflection in the mirror, my physical sensations as well as my emotions, I do not seek the approval or the opinion of others and I therefore do not pay attention to the look of others. I noticed that it was in the moments when I doubted myself / my choices, whatever the reason, that I watched attentively the reactions of others on the street / at work / in my surroundings, to confirm or put end my doubts. So it’s certainly because dressing without a bra is a choice that I fully assume I don’t notice or fear the gaze of others on it.
Zero bra: reviews and prejudices
However, I have read, under articles on the same subject, fairly negative reactions to people who dare to go out without a bra as well as many prejudices. Many of you have also shared with me, via Instagram, sometimes hurtful and often unfounded remarks made by relatives or strangers about the no bra. I was outraged by the sexism or even the ageism or racism of some of these comments and suggest that you take a look around to let me know my opinion on this kind of reaction.
“It's provocative / enticing / indecent / ashamed / you look for the eyes of men” - this style of remark makes me think of the opinion that some people may have on women in miniskirts, sporting a cleavage, or wearing very red lipstick. This kind of talk shows how much the society in which we live has objectified and sexualized specific parts of a woman's body and how many people have internalized this. It is the way in which our society has molded our gaze on these parts that makes us sexualize many of our clothing or aesthetic choices. Although in most societies it is considered more convenient to hide your gender and breasts, let's not forget that in some communities, wandering around with uncovered breasts and sex is completely normalized. This does not mean that these parts of the body do not play an erotic role, but apparently not everyone is able to make sense of things: the visibility of a part of the body is not necessarily a call to looks or synonymous with sexual desire.
"It bothers me" - while it is important to recognize that our choices in life can sometimes be disturbing, it also seems necessary to me to take things into account so as not to feel fully responsible for the discomfort of others. I think being embarrassed by not wearing a bra is related to everything I just discussed in the previous paragraph. If someone made this kind of remark to me, I would find out exactly what is bothering them and invite them to think about the source of this embarrassment. Because basically, the fact that I do not wear a bra is not a bad thing in itself and I would even go so far as to say that if it disturbs some people, it is essentially their problem.
“It's bad taste / a style fault / ugly / vulgar” - we were exposed so much · e · sa images of breasts raised and rounded that necessarily, as soon as they are lower and less round, it may seem strange. As I said above, I myself thought it was ugly the first time ... But it was an opinion on my own appearance, on my own reflection. The fact that it may displease other people, aesthetically speaking, is normal and, in my opinion, that is not a problem in itself. We all have different tastes; few of us would be willing to trade our wardrobe with anyone. Every day we meet people whose shoes, haircut or jacket dislike us. Do we stop on this kind of detail? Usually, no: we usually have a reflection that we keep for ourselves and then we move on to something else. If we don't like the shape of a person's chest, we can also ignore it. Because this is a question - totally subjective - of taste.
"It's dirty" - if there are multiple reasons for wearing a bra, to my knowledge, hygiene is not one. The fact that there is an extra layer between the breasts and our clothes is not a guarantee of cleanliness, just as the fact of not wearing a bra does not increase the accumulation of dirt on our skin. If you have found studies to the contrary, let me know.
"This is not for big breasts" - from the top of my 80C, I obviously can neither deny nor confirm this kind of reaction. However, I think that the possibility of practicing no bra does not only depend on the size of the chest, but on a host of other parameters: self-confidence, notions of beauty, notions of comfort, situation, personal preferences and priorities. … I have read several testimonials from people with large breasts and being comfortable without a bra - this obviously does not mean that all people with generous cups can easily do without support, but simply that we shouldn't put all the “big breasts” in one basket. Everyone can try, if they wish, and make up their own mind. However, I understand that the adaptation to the no bra may take longer for people with big caps.
“You don't know how to choose a good bra” - this is a very simplistic comment, based on a simple assumption. Personally, I have been advised several times by the sellers of lingerie stores to make sure I choose the most comfortable bra possible and of the right size, of course. I tried several brands, several styles, several budgets, with or without underwire, with or without padding ... and if obviously some models were more comfortable than others, they were never enough for me. But if this kind of remark is made to you, the best thing would be to invite the person to a shopping bra session so that they can share their expertise and prove to you that there are bras that are so comfortable that same people who can't stand it will succumb!
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| 4 years without bra - my experience |
“It is bad for health / it is bad for maintenance / it damages the chest” - although wearing a bra can be a real relief for some people, no study has proven, to my knowledge, spending a life without a bra could be harmful to health. But I bet that in a few years, the major lingerie brands will have come together to finance this kind of study… In the meantime, nothing prevents people who wish to continue wearing a bra out of concern for their health from but why go and tell others that they are putting their health at risk when it is not justified?
"Your breasts will eventually fall out / look like washcloths" - I would like to say: so what? If it doesn't bother me that my breasts live their lives, what should be the problem for others? In any case, bra or not, time means that our breasts necessarily end up sagging. Sometimes cup size, weight gain / loss, pregnancy, etc. can also contribute to accelerated sagging of the breasts. But again, this is a natural process that even a 24-hour bra cannot help. Once again, it is high time to detach ourselves from the image of enlarged and well rounded breasts which is presented to us as a permanent ideal. This illustration rightly shows how unrealistic this ideal is ...
“It doesn't make you look good” - again, I would say: so what? Everyone is free to highlight certain parts of their body or not. And then this notion of “enhancement” is so subjective anyway…
"It's not feminine" - once again, I couldn't help but say a simple "so what?" To this reaction which reflects the social pressure placed on female people about their looks. Like being “highlighted”, being “feminine” is an expression full of subjectivity and therefore without any real universal definition. Furthermore, it is time that a woman could feel good about herself without having to prove it to others through appearances.
“She's no longer your age (60-year-old woman)” - I admit that I didn't know that even after a certain age you could be discriminated against by appearance (but I should have been doubt!). I admit that I am a little speechless in the face of this remark which clearly shows that social injunctions are limitless and without mercy.
"Already you have no breasts, so if you don’t put anything on it, it’s flat and ugly" - this is another remark received by one of you and which I found particularly offensive. This is the typical example of a person who has so internalized the ideal "beautiful chest = bulging chest" that he cannot imagine that one can voluntarily limit his chances of achieving this ideal! That it is not possible to detach oneself from this ideal personally is one thing, but that one thus judges others on a purely physical fact is another ...
"You're going to end up looking like African tribe women" - and here's one of the worst, in my opinion, for the end. Many of you have witnessed this purely racist reaction. I suppose that people making this type of remark are based on photos that they have seen circulating on the net where we see women of African tribes with their breasts exposed - if we look carefully at this kind of photo, we note that young people generally have breasts that hold very well and that indeed, those who are older, have a sagging chest. As I said above, even if we wear a bra all our lives, regardless of our ethnic origin, it is very likely that our breasts will also sag!
To conclude
Through this article, I hope you have understood: I am neither for the universalization of no bra, nor against the bra. I am for the recognition and the social acceptance that the wearing of the bra is neither necessary nor obligatory for all the breasts, that the visibility of the shape of the breasts and the nipples in particular is not an evil in itself and that everyone should be free to wear a bra or not, whatever their motives…
