"I wanted a man who knew what to do in bed": the growing trend of women paying for sexual services
"The first time I used the services of a male escort was a few years ago, for the simple reason that I wanted sex."
The speaker is Charlotte, a 42-year-old Briton.
"As a single mother and without a partner, I did not like the idea of looking for men to sleep with in bars," he begins to explain to BBC Mundo, anticipating that he will be asked what they have questioned so many times: why pay for sex if you can get free?
"Because even if you don't like the guy so much and in the end don't feel like (sleeping with him), there are often misunderstandings. I didn't want that pressure, and renting the services of an escort is a clean, clear transaction, in which all parties know what they will get, "he continues.
"In addition, I wanted a man who knew what he is doing. The truth is that more and more women are looking for these professional services because they consider that many of their peers are bad in bed," ditch.
Charlotte stayed with the companion in question at a hotel at sunset. "It was very professional, nothing sordid. It wasn't romantic either, but it was pleasant. It was to the point. It was there to satisfy me."
Two hours with him cost him 120 pounds (about US $ 160).
"Of course, you need money. But we got along so well that we even went to the bar and had a drink."
Upward trend
It is not clear how many women usually opt for these services. But experts agree that it is an upward trend.
"It is a more widespread habit than you think," the psychiatrist and sexologist Adrián Sapetti, who was president of the Argentine Society of Human Sexuality (SASH), tells BBC Mundo.
"It has a lot to do with women's new roles," he adds. "Paid sex is a situation of power, an attribute that traditionally detained the male. But now the woman also pays. And she allows herself to enjoy."
However, there are no global studies that put figures to the phenomenon.
There are isolated reports on female sex tourism, on women who come to Asia or the Caribbean in search of local companions with whom to have sex during the holidays in exchange for money or gifts.
But in search of a more complete x-ray and to understand what kind of sexual services women pay for, why they do it, what they expect from it and how they negotiate their physical and sexual security, five years ago Sarah Kingston created the Women Who Buy initiative Sexual Services in UK (Women who purchase sexual services in the United Kingdom).
This professor of criminology at the University of Lancaster, specializing in policies on prostitution and sex work, is the principal investigator of the project.
The mission is accompanied by Natalie Hammond, a professor of health and social assistance at the Metropolitan University of Manchester whose work focuses on the areas of sexuality, gender and body.
The starting point of his research was the classified ads of newspapers and websites.
"We found that 63% of the ads were aimed at women, a much higher percentage than you might think," Kingston tells BBC Mundo.
In 2012, they accounted for 5,246 ads of male escorts for women and this year triple, 15,732.
"This indicates that there is a market and that it is also growing."
After years of field work and collecting dozens of testimonies, the researcher is clear that women are looking for professionals on the internet, mainly through agencies, while men opt for the more traditional way (brothels, etc.). Although he says they identified a brothel dedicated to female clients in London, already disappeared.
During the investigation they met clients of all ages, "but mainly in their thirties or forties, most of them married, with good jobs, successful in their work, with grown children," he says.
On the motivations that lead them to hire professional sexual services, he believes that they cannot be said to be very different from those of men.
"There are some reasons that overlap," says Kingston.
"For example, the interest in experiencing new things occurs in both sexes, also the lack of time to invest in a romantic relationship or a couple that does not cover all their needs."
Although there is another factor that experts, as well as all those consulted who once paid for sexual services emphasize: that of security.
"For women it is a safer option than a one-night sexual relationship with a stranger, especially if the transaction is managed by an agency," explains the specialist.
"They contain reviews of other clients, some allow you to meet the escort before, in addition to the fact that employees often want to use a condom and are aware of sexually transmitted diseases," explains the specialist.
Hiring sexual services in this way is, according to the expert, a way to avoid episodes such as the 1001 Geschichte website.
This site in German collects dozens of testimonials from women who report being scammed by lovers they met on trips and whose sexual services rewarded with money or gifts.
"Hidden World"
Cristian, a 30-year-old who offers his sexual services in Barcelona, confirms that most clients contact professionals through online agencies.
"They do it also by discretion. It is a very hidden world," he adds.
She says that a client's first call is usually always received from a private number. "This leaves no trace. It is absolute confidentiality."
He has been in the trade for just one year, with rates ranging from 25 euros (US $ 29) to the accompaniment hour to 50 (US $ 58) per hour of full sexual service, as read in his profile of a contact website.
Of her clients, between 30 and 55 years old, she comments that the youngest seek to satisfy sexual fantasies without fear of being judged or seeing their requests rejected, and the older ones compensate for the lack of self-esteem and sexual dissatisfaction within the marriage with young company.
On his work, he insists that it is "a service, with rules and a protocol to which we must be faithful."
"When a prostitute is hired, it becomes an object," he explains.
"If a girl hires you, she doesn't want normal sexual relations. Although you can always set your limits, you have to give up your pleasure. It's a service, a job. You have to get her to like her (the client) and want to repeat. It's a cold world, "he clarifies.
"And it is money that moves this."
Indeed, Iván, a 24-year-old who works as an escort in Mexico, gets paid very high figures for his company.
"They are wealthy clients, whom we contact in spas or sports clubs in private areas," he tells BBC Mundo. "Some place the offer and there are those who pay 10,000 to 15,000 pesos per day (US $ 530 to US $ 796)."
They come to him and his older brother, 26, who is also in business, "because they don't make them feel good at home."
"Many times their husbands are old and boring, and they lack love. And we are fit, we are fun and we listen to them," he says.
Based on that, it offers two or four hand massages, of different durations and prices.
Most often the end result is usually the client's orgasm, but there is never penetration. The therapist only participates with his hands.
"Massage has to be as real as possible. It has to replicate a process of natural arousal. But with professional limits," explains Richards, who is also considered a sexual and relationship mentor.
"That is, if a client told me that she had a great time and that we should have coffee, the answer is obviously no."
Because of her massage studio, which looks more like a luxury beauty salon - with its stretchers, its dim light and its decoration with flowers and feathers, and shower option -, women of all kinds have passed.
"I have clients who come from Argentina, Canada, South Africa, Saudi celebrities and princesses, pole dancers, burlesque dancers, even sex workers.
"Sex is a great leveler," he says.
Before any session, she usually has a 20-minute talk with clients.
"I tell you: this is like when you are afraid of flying and going to therapy," he says, "we can talk as much as you want about how safe it is to fly, but one day you have to ride a plane."
When asked if he considers himself a sex worker, he replies: "Well, I work with sex. Yes, I am. But for me Jamie Oliver (a famous British chef) is a food worker. And in that sense, I am Jamie Oliver of sex. "
"Selfish" men
Sarah, a 34-year-old endocrinologist has five intermittent singleness and occasionally met a lover, when she decided to hire a sensual massage.
"He was not very adventurous in bed and quite selfish in sex. When he got what he wanted (to reach orgasm), he rushed our meetings to end. And they were not pleasant for me," he tells BBC Mundo about his occasional partner.
"It is a situation that women often face: men who do not have adequate sex education, who do not spend time, who do not listen to them or give them pleasure."
But he is aware that going to professional services is not free of signs.
"Although in my group of friends it is not something to be ashamed of, because there are others who have tried it, as a rule it is stigmatized," he acknowledges.
"But it shouldn't be like that: they don't do anything illegal and they're professionals," he says.
"In addition, they pass HIV tests, hepatitis, the level of hygiene is very high, they are considered very pleasant and the instructions they give are clear," says the doctor.
Camille, 52, with a partner and children, agrees.
"The reason why I opted for these services was to learn more about how my body works and to learn more about the enjoyment of sex," explains this marketing and communication professional who has worked in the textile sector and the fashion.
"It's not that until then I didn't enjoy sex. I did. But I thought there should be something beyond, different stages of orgasm," he confesses.
According to her, therapists help discover it. "And that empowers you," he emphasizes.
"And, after all, it is very important that we take control of our sexuality."
